how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
