Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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