can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize