I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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