peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
