you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
