if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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