I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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