zippers are such a cool invention
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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