You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize