I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize