fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
