i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
