I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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