I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
