I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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