I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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