On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
