I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
