Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
