just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
