I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I understand Curling. That high.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize