I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
