HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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