Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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