The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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