turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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