Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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