i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
