Fine. I'll sleep in my office
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
