so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
