dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
