OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
