I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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