How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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