I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
