If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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