So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
