This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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