I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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