Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
