Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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