If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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