Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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