Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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