can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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