I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
