You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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