she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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