he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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