so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
