It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
