He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
