i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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