One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
