So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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