well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
