Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
