Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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