i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Randomize
