i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize