Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
