i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
