so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
