Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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