They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
