got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
