You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
