You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This baby is an asshole
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
