i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize