So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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