is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
