I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
