Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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