yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
