we're blogging at a bar
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize