hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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