the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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