I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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