Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
