his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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