get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
