I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
