worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
