How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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