were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
