Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
