I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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