Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
