Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
