mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize