I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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