I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
