lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
