Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
