i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
