its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
