When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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