Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
