Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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