he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
