Betty ford says i'm here all night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
