Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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