Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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